Strategically Placed Blanket Conceals Sexual Activity
MADISON, WI — In what has since been hailed a stroke of genius, University of Wisconsin freshman Chad Huntington deftly draped a nearby blanket over himself and girlfriend Emily Blake, perfectly masking the couple’s sexual promiscuity from the oblivious group of friends who had gathered to watch ‘The Lion King’.
“I really wanted to finger Emily, but it would have been awkward with everyone around,” said the smug psychology major. “Luckily I brought a blanket with me.”
The two-centimeter thick, six by four foot fleece blanket emblazoned with the University of Wisconsin logo was bought by Huntington’s mother for purposes entirely unrelated to the veiling of amorous acts, a task Huntington discovered it was perfectly suited for.
“I thought when Emily started furiously giving me a hand job that everyone in the room would take notice, but those fools just kept their blind eyes turned toward the TV.”
“It was like an invisibility cloak for sex.”
The group of friends have been gathering on a weekly basis to watch classic Disney films, a nostalgia-fueled meetup that has been entirely devoid of sexual misconduct until the introduction of the red and white throw-blanket during the screening of the 1994 Oscar award-winning animated feature ‘The Lion King’.
“Next week I think we’ll try to actually have sex during the movie,” reports Huntington. “Or at the very least I’ll try to get Emily to give me a BJ.”
When asked about the event, host Jason Philips revealed that, “everyone knew exactly what was going on. We kept staring at the TV hoping they would eventually stop. I mean, I had to turn up the volume a couple times so that we couldn’t hear the two of them moaning anymore. Do they think we’re idiots?”
“They’re definitely not invited back next week when we watch ‘Aladdin’.”