Spirit Airlines Introduces Steerage Class Seating
MIRAMAR, FL – Spirit Airlines, best known for its ultra low cost tickets and complete lack of basic human services on its flights, announced today that it will begin offering “Steerage Class Seating” as of August 1st.
“We know that our Spirit passengers love a good bargain,” joked Spirit Airlines CEO Robert L. Fornaro during the announcement. “That’s why we’re proud to announce a new class of ticketing that’s ideal for any able-bodied person who isn’t afraid of getting their hands dirty.”
Steerage Class passengers will have several different seating options, each with their own unique perks and reduced fares. Passengers can pay around $50 for a ticket that allows them to stow away among the baggage in the hull of the plane. For only $10 per ticket passengers can elect to load the baggage onto the plane. Choosing this option also allows the passengers to pre-board so that they can stake out the best part of the hull. They also receive a dram of whiskey to keep their spirits high during the work.
“People like to have a task. It makes them feel good,” explained Fornaro. “”In fact, the pride of a good day’s work means you’ll be able to sleep easy all the way to your final destination.”
Fornaro batted away questions regarding the possibilities of scabies outbreaks among the passengers, whether the forlorn harmonica music coming from the hull would disrupt regular passengers, and whether there would be increased security personnel to make sure none of the Steerage Class passengers could sneak into the Economy Class seating area.
“Listen, we all have places that we need to go. Even poor people,” said Fornaro. “And here at Spirit we’ve always made it our goal to push the boundaries of what’s acceptable in air travel.”
“And we’ll keep pushing until someone stops us. Like someone from the FAA or the ACLU.”
The first flights offering the Steerage Class ticketing options have already sold out. However, even with Steerage Class tickets passengers will still need to pay $60 for a checked bag.