THE WILDERNESS, USA — Outdoor enthusiasts nationwide let out a deep sigh of frustration upon discovering that the zippers on their sleeping bags were stuck to the polyester lining.

“God dammit,” cursed Murray Hayworth as he tugged on the immobilized zipper. “Who the fuck designed this thing?”

Many Americans resorted to using a knife to cut the zipper free

Reports of stuck zippers have come in from every corner of the nation, leading many to consider the situation an epidemic.

“We get lots of cases of stuck zippers around this time of year when the majority of sleeping bags are brought out of hibernation,” explains Cynthia Rumstead of the Wilderness Society, “but this year has been especially bad for sleeping bags and their zippers.”

“With proper care and respect we hope that the number of cases will drop off as the season continues.”

A majority of reports indicate that there is no good reason why the zipper itself is stuck and that maybe going a little more slowly will allow the zipper to free itself.

“OK you try pulling on the lining this way while I try to zip this thing back up to where it was,” instructed Helen Hayworth to her frustrated husband. “If we keep jamming it forward then it’s only going to get even more stuck.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” cried Helen as the stubborn zipper stayed firmly in place.

While the number of stuck sleeping bag zippers is at an all-time high this year, Thought Potato has also received thousands of reports saying that the rain fly for the tent was not in the sack with the rest of the components and should be considered a loss.