SHEREMETYEVO INT’L AIRPORT, MOSCOW — NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden rejected the continent of Antarctica’s offer to shelter him from American prosecution, sources close to Snowden report.

“I know that beggars can’t be choosers in a situation like this, but honestly did they think I would really go all the way down to the barren wasteland of Antarctica just to receive asylum?” balked Snowden. “I’m not that desperate.”

Snowden’s options for asylum have dwindled in recent days, with Germany adding itself to the list of countries that have denied Snowden’s application for safe harbor.

Many believed Snowden would accept Antarctica’s generous offer, which included a small, frost-resistant domicile for shelter, a stipend of ten thousand kroner per year (about 1,700 American dollars), and an entire winter’s worth of seal fat.

Research scientists and penguin documentarians across Antarctica expressed their disappointment in Snowden’s decision, saying it was an insult to all 3,500 residents of the continent.

“Please reconsider, Edward” urged geologist and Antarctic resident Aleksander Mikkelsen, “things aren’t so bad down here. And we could use a new friend to hang out with. Just someone to talk to. Anyone.”

Snowden is still holding out for Brazil to reconsider, saying that, “[Brazil] is always a country I’ve wanted to visit. Plus, they’re going to have the World Cup there next year and I really don’t want to miss that.”