DAVE’S LIVING ROOM — Citing its appealing texture, acceptable level of fluffiness, and close proximity to his sleep location, local drunk guy Brian Hartford promoted an everyday living room throw-pillow to the rigorous position of a regular pillow while crashing at his friend Dave’s house last Friday night.

“I had prepared myself for an uncomfortable night just sleeping on the floor or the couch, ya know?” said the visibly hungover Hartford. “But then I saw this furry white pillow in the corner of the sofa and figured it could work as a makeshift pillow.”

“That’s pretty much it,” concluded the dehydrated nomad.

Although unprepared for the added workload endured by a regular pillow, the throw-pillow handled itself admirably, fully supporting Hartford’s neck and head, providing enough surface area to accommodate unexpected head movement, and maintaining a tolerable density over the course of several hours.

“Sometimes a pillow like that gets really flat in the middle if you use it for too long or it leaves a bunch of dumb marks on your face after you get up,” said the moderately well-rested Hartford. “But this one didn’t so I guess it was alright.”

“I mean, I was pretty drunk so I don’t even really remember.”

Hartford does not have any plans to offer the throw-pillow a full-time position as a regular pillow, but announced that he intends to employ his shower as a part-time urinal upon returning home.