JACKSON, MI — “Oh, let me just move this stuff out of the way real quick,” said Todd Wexler, a 30 year-old software engineer, as he chivalrously shoveled the assortment of crumpled-up fast food bags, bank receipts, and various articles of soiled clothing that littered the passenger seat of his 1998 Ford Probe into the backseat to make room for his passenger. “This’ll just take a second.”

A soda-stained work memo reveals garbage dating back to 2001

The garbage, which has been accumulating in one form or another since 2001, has been generously relocated on several other noteworthy occasions including a first date with a Tinder match, an impromptu carpool with a coworker, and when a friend needed a ride to the airport.

“Don’t worry about stepping on anything,” encouraged the magnanimous Wexler as his passenger hesitantly lowered themselves into the stain-plastered passenger seat. “Just kick that stuff to the side.”

Efforts to clear the garbage out of the car have been thwarted on several occasions by Wexler’s debilitating, deep-seated laziness and a recognition of the task’s Herculean nature. However, Wexler has always made it a point to give his passengers the royal treatment by acknowledging and accommodating their need for a seat free of debris and other unpleasantries.

“I guess I ought to clean this thing out, huh?” chuckled Wexler off-handedly to his passenger as the two inhaled a noxious combination of stale cigarette smoke and air conditioning pumped through a dirt-caked filter. “But it’ll just get dirty again, ya know?”

Wexler has no plans to move the trash back to the passenger seat, but assured us that he will have more garbage to fill the void after he swings through McDonald’s on his way home.